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Second post about my creative block and rediscovering flow.
This is my 2nd painting done after a 106 day dry spell. 106 days! In the 5 years since God set up a series of “beautiful nos” for me to pivot from corporate climbing back to exploring my childhood dream of being an artist, a dry spell never happened. In these 5 years I painted relentlessly. I found a poster of a lyric from the Beatles’ Blackbird - “you were always waiting for this moment to arise”. I hung this up and was so grateful for the reminder.
Not fully detoxed from corporate life, i created a business called Blackbird Creations. My tagline is “affordable, original art”. I thought with all this business acumen, and could I paint and also sell. The goal was to sell enough to fund a yearly trip to someplace magical and pay for my art supplies. I set up a Facebook page and Instagram as my on-line shop windows. I built a website with the help of WIX (my skill sets here are limited) and populated it with hundreds of pieces of art. I sold a few pieces and, while I felt good about the sales, I knew I was playing small. Only one gallery show (it was a friend’s gallery). One application to be included in an art publication, which didn’t pan out.
I kept painting. What did people want to own? What resonates and connects with people? How do I make more sales (and get commissions)? Will I ever be a successful artist? This all lead to creating a separate line called The Art of Zin, my small paintings made with wine and watercolors. These would be amazing I thought. Petite at 5”x7”, I could spend my summers in Oregon painting dozens of these, mat and frame and sell at $60 a pop! Combining 2 of my favorite things - paints mixed with wine. A niche product that I thought others would connect with.
A few more sales, more building frustration, and then a crash. My accounts on FB and Instagram were disabled. Meta said I violated their terms by posting child porn. I don’t paint nudes, nor do I post naked pics of my grandbabies. I felt disconnected and angry, guilty without evidence. My whole concept of an on-line storefront collapsed. I learned a lot about businesses and influencers who are dependent on social media and the rights they don’t have when dealing with Meta.
My big pause started mid October, but was reinforced on Dec 4 with the disabling of my accounts. Once the dust settled, my education on the subject led me to realize something I had seen before. Here is another BEAUTIFUL NO! I realized in past 5 years I went from gratitude to having the time, money and ability to immerse myself in creating art to monetizing a product. I measured my art development by sales. I forgot my WHY.
Sitting in the past 3 days of an online art course, I started painting along with instructors. I was learning new techniques. I put out 4 paintings in 3 days that I was proud of. I was proud of myself for showing up with an open mind and a willingness to learn. I was super excited to realize afterwards that I rediscovered flow: that state of being so into the process that all else fades away. And I found my WHY again: I paint because I was born to create. My innate gift from God. My purpose.
Now, I just think of a tiny bracelet I bought myself and a friend of mine that reminds me of a personal truth: NEVER FORGET WHO THE FUCK YOU ARE! ❤️
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